You know that feeling—no—that intuitive knowing you experience when you're with a close friend or family member? Whether you’re talking or sitting in silence, there’s this energetic quality that silently says “We’re going beyond words here.”

We’re in connection.

In those moments, you feel seen, heard, and understood. With this comes a sense of ease and safety that allows you to go deeper and be more vulnerable. You’re able to speak your truth, even when, especially when it’s scary, and be held in it. Accepted in it. Loved in it.

Human beings are relational — we’re wired for connection. Otherwise, as infants, there's no way we'd survive. By being in connection with our caregivers, our needs are met. Not only physically, but emotionally as well. In connection, we receive loving attunement that lets us know we’re safe to explore this unfamiliar world. 

But oftentimes, we may be looking for connection and get hurt instead. The person gets triggered by their own unhealed wounds and disconnects from themself. When they’re disconnected from themself, they’re unable to connect with us. All of a sudden, we’re cut off from our source of love and security in the world. What then do we do?

In Parts language, our psyche splinters off into protector and hurt parts. Protector parts have a job to keep us from feeling the pain of that memory. Hurt parts internalize the pain and hold onto them. These behaviors, these unconscious feelings, drive our lives. They become what we filter our experience through. 

We continue to seek connection as we’re wired to, but anytime our parts sense we could be hurt, they step in reactively to protect us. Oftentimes, in unhealthy ways.

But the thing is, as much as we're hurt in connection, or rather, disconnection, we heal in connection.